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What attracts us to our loved ones is what ends up repelling us.

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psychotherapy coupleRelationships are funny things. No two are alike and yet, at the same time, all share many similarities as well. One such similarity we all share in are times of frustration with our loved ones.

I often speak with couples having hard times in their relationships or marriages and they often sound quite clear on what their partner is doing that is flaring up their frustrations. At some point I always ask what it was that first attracted them to their partners and what they initially fell in love with and, like clock work, their answers reveal that the things they loved and cherished in each other, as they fell in love, were the same qualities that frustrate them now.

For example, seven years ago John fell in love with Louise; he loved how care free she was and how spontaneous and in the moment she could be. He was much more ordered and practical and was more used to a life well planned out, a life without too many surprises. John was attracted to those qualities in Louise, which he himself would have liked to possess.

Louise, on the other hand, fell in love with John’s solidity. He was grounded, stable and practical, all qualities which she was attracted to which she wasn’t accessing in herself, and qualities which were needed to balance her out.

Now fast-forward seven years. John is frustrated with Louise and needs her to change. In his mind she is inconsistent with her commitments and responsibilities and he is angry that he can’t rely on her to do things when he feels they need to be done in the home. As a result he is feeling unsupported and let down. He wishes that she could be better planned and fly less by the seat of her pants.

Louise, on the other hand, is feeling squashed and forced to live in a way that doesn’t suit her style of being. She wants John to ease up and take more risks in life. She is bored with the blandness of their relationship and wants more excitement with him.

This is typical example of how the qualities that attract couples end up eroding the warmth they have for each other. As a result of this, the qualities which partners fell in love with often become the same qualities they try to change about each other.

In my line of work as a couple’s counsellor, I often find myself saying to one or both partners, “That’s not going to happen”, or “He is not going to give you that”. Couples are often startled to find that I don’t roll up my sleeves and help them change their partners.

When couples find themselves in the situation of trying to change their partners so they feel better about themselves the role of therapy is to interrupt this trance rather than empathise and support with their needs to change the other.

The undeniable truth with relationships is that those we love are also our burdens. Too often we just want to take the parts that work for us right now and leave the rest of them in the bottom drawer.

For many couples, the magic bullet to getting back on track with their marriage and finding more harmony again is to be able to look at their partner and say, “this is who they are, and this is who they will continue to be”. Once this is acknowledged, a different and scarier reality is seen by each of them.

At this point couples often see that they struggle to love each other for who they truly are; eventually this leads to a more useful and practical question to ponder, and that is “How do I learn to live with this person for who they truly are, while living with who I truly am too”?. And the answer to this is, of course, will be different for us all.

 

Naturopathy and Fertility

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Naturopathic FertilityUnfortunately, couples are having more and more trouble conceiving in this modern age.  Once upon a time most of the blame lay with the woman, however it is currently believed that 40% rest with the male, 40% rests with the female, 10% is with both and 10% is unknown.

Common causes for infertility;

  • Medication
  • Subnormal semen analysis results
  • Infection
  • Hormonal imbalances
  • Stress
  • Cigarettes, alcohol and recreational drugs
  • Toxicity
  • Aging
  • Thyroid abnormalities
  • PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids
  • Obesity and low BMI

 

How can Naturopathy help with fertility?

Your naturopath will take a very thorough case history as well as review any medical tests that you have, so please bring these all with you. We will then suggest dietary and lifestyle changes, as well as necessary medicinal herbs and nutritional supplements. Ideally, it is beneficial to be on a 3 month pre conception plan, as this will give your bodies the best chance for conception and prevention of miscarriage.

 

Can I use natural therapies in conjunction with IVF?

Yes naturopathy can be very complementary to IVF and works well with couples who are taking this route due to medical reasons.

 

Can a Naturopath help with both male and female infertility?

Yes we can help both male and female infertility. It is very important that the male’s health is considered and addressed, as 50% DNA will come from the male.

 

Interesting facts about fertility.

A woman ovulates only 12-24 hours of her monthly cycle, the window of opportunity is small, however luckily the sperm are persistent and can survive 4-5 days

A woman’s basal temperature will rise the day after ovulation due to a spike in progesterone levels, this will stay high until menstruation where progesterone levels drop off, or stay high if implantation is successful and progesterone levels continue to rise

Approximately 200-500 million sperm cells are released during ejaculation, most of these die immediately, and the remainder make their difficult journey to the newly released egg. At this point there are roughly 200 sperm remaining

Acupuncture for Fertility

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acupuncture fertilityIf you’re having fertility issues, we recommend you seriously look into having Acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine. Many conditions reducing fertility can be helped with this combination of treatments. These include:

  • Endometriosis
  • Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS)
  • Unexplained infertility
  • Male fertility issues

If you are thinking about starting a family (or adding to it!), our Acupuncturists recommend a 3 month pre-conception programme of Acupuncture (with Chinese Herbal Medicine if required). This allows us to find the root cause of any issues and get you in the healthiest possible state to conceive.

For those with known fertility problems, or those needing assisted reproduction techniques like IVF, Acupuncture really comes into its own. It is very useful in maximising your response to treatment and coping with the stress associated with these procedures. For IVF, there are key times in the cycle that it’s important to have acupuncture treatment for the best results.

Our Acupuncturists are experienced in helping couples boost their fertility naturally, and in working in with an IVF regime. Health-fund rebates are available for Acupuncture treatments.

 

NET and Pregnancy

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Pregnancy-chiropracticWe have all heard the stories of couples trying to have babies for years and years without any luck. Often times these couples try with undying focus and commitment. Making sure that ovulation is timed to the hour, that their diets are organic, in bed by 9pm every night and that they swallow so many supplements they almost rattle. And then after several years of fruitless trying, disappointed and sad, they take a break from trying, go on holidays, and then surprisingly realise they are pregnant once they return from their trip.

There’s nothing new about this story, in fact its been told and heard so many times its probably a good idea to look as what is actually going on there. How is it that for many couples that struggle to fall pregnant, all the effort, planning and commitment in the world brings no results, but when they let it all go and focus on something else, a baby is on the way?

Enter the theories of the Quantum world. In recent decades the field of Quantum physics has taught us a lot about how our intentions and thoughts impact the cellular and biological structure of our bodies. We have learnt that the smaller the biological structure, the more easily our thoughts, emotions and intentions influence it. For example, we know that when we feel happy, neurotransmitters are created and up taken in the brain. Said another way, our happiness biologically creates chemicals. Just like when we feel fear, our body creates a reaction whereby adrenalin is produced. So our fear is a creative process also. On some level, all our thoughts, emotions and beliefs are creative within our biology.

So, how does this relate to pregnancy? If our beliefs, thoughts and emotions can create hormones and neurotransmitters and alter cellular structures in our body, is it possible that they can also influence ones ability to fall pregnant or not? N.E.T practitioners answer with a resounding YES!

A woman’s beliefs and emotions, conscious or unconscious, seem to have a powerful relationship to challenges with falling pregnant. The simplest example of this is when a woman becomes stressed, sometimes her reproductive cycle changes, and under high stress, the menstrual cycle can even stop.

Beyond common stress, there are more subtle emotional influences that don’t necessarily stop the menstrual cycle but can inhibit and stop one becoming pregnant. With NET the practitioner uses muscle testing as a diagnostic tool to discover what emotions are blocked within the system, and where they are stored within the body. Once these are cleared the reproductive system can regulate normally once again.

Some common examples of the typical kinds of emotions that have blocked the reproductive system are;

  • Being unconsciously fearful that a newborn will mean the end of their much-revered career.
  • Unconsciously feeling that one will not be a “good enough” mother.
  • Having been raised by parents that were abusive, fearing that the cycle will continue.
  • Fearing not knowing how to attend to a baby due to not having been attended to well when they were a baby also.
  • Fearing that there will not be enough space, time or support (for mother or child) if one was to fall pregnant.
  • Unconsciously buying into the “rules” of the family that the older sister must give birth before I can fall pregnant.
  • A belief that my child will be somehow different if I fall pregnant through IVF.

These memories, beliefs and emotions are stored in the body at a cellular level and bind the body into biological structures that inhibit and stop reproduction. Typically these emotions will also enhance or inhibit hormone levels within the body, which we know to be a key factor in successful pregnancy. Once the emotions and beliefs are discovered and released as a cellular level, their influence on hormones is also released, and their hold over the reproductive system is removed.