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What attracts us to our loved ones is what ends up repelling us.

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psychotherapy coupleRelationships are funny things. No two are alike and yet, at the same time, all share many similarities as well. One such similarity we all share in are times of frustration with our loved ones.

I often speak with couples having hard times in their relationships or marriages and they often sound quite clear on what their partner is doing that is flaring up their frustrations. At some point I always ask what it was that first attracted them to their partners and what they initially fell in love with and, like clock work, their answers reveal that the things they loved and cherished in each other, as they fell in love, were the same qualities that frustrate them now.

For example, seven years ago John fell in love with Louise; he loved how care free she was and how spontaneous and in the moment she could be. He was much more ordered and practical and was more used to a life well planned out, a life without too many surprises. John was attracted to those qualities in Louise, which he himself would have liked to possess.

Louise, on the other hand, fell in love with John’s solidity. He was grounded, stable and practical, all qualities which she was attracted to which she wasn’t accessing in herself, and qualities which were needed to balance her out.

Now fast-forward seven years. John is frustrated with Louise and needs her to change. In his mind she is inconsistent with her commitments and responsibilities and he is angry that he can’t rely on her to do things when he feels they need to be done in the home. As a result he is feeling unsupported and let down. He wishes that she could be better planned and fly less by the seat of her pants.

Louise, on the other hand, is feeling squashed and forced to live in a way that doesn’t suit her style of being. She wants John to ease up and take more risks in life. She is bored with the blandness of their relationship and wants more excitement with him.

This is typical example of how the qualities that attract couples end up eroding the warmth they have for each other. As a result of this, the qualities which partners fell in love with often become the same qualities they try to change about each other.

In my line of work as a couple’s counsellor, I often find myself saying to one or both partners, “That’s not going to happen”, or “He is not going to give you that”. Couples are often startled to find that I don’t roll up my sleeves and help them change their partners.

When couples find themselves in the situation of trying to change their partners so they feel better about themselves the role of therapy is to interrupt this trance rather than empathise and support with their needs to change the other.

The undeniable truth with relationships is that those we love are also our burdens. Too often we just want to take the parts that work for us right now and leave the rest of them in the bottom drawer.

For many couples, the magic bullet to getting back on track with their marriage and finding more harmony again is to be able to look at their partner and say, “this is who they are, and this is who they will continue to be”. Once this is acknowledged, a different and scarier reality is seen by each of them.

At this point couples often see that they struggle to love each other for who they truly are; eventually this leads to a more useful and practical question to ponder, and that is “How do I learn to live with this person for who they truly are, while living with who I truly am too”?. And the answer to this is, of course, will be different for us all.

 

Acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine in Pregnancy

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acupuncture fertilityPart 1 – Early pregnancy

Congratulations, you’re pregnant! While you might be thrilled to bits, you might not yet be experiencing that “glow” everyone talks about. In fact you might be feeling distinctly unglowing! Some women breeze through this stage of pregnancy but many find their energy is at rock bottom and they experience anything from “morning sickness” to all-day queasiness to outright nausea and vomiting. You may also feel anxious about the weeks and months to come, especially if you’ve previously had fertility struggles or a miscarriage.

The good news is that acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine can help with many of these conditions.

You might be wondering if acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine are safe in pregnancy. The answer is a resounding “Yes”, as long as given by a qualified practitioner who has been trained in the points and herbs to use during pregnancy and those to avoid.

 

Quell nausea naturally

Some researchers think that the heightened sense of smell and aversion to anything but the blandest of food could be part of an evolutionary mechanism to protect the embryo from food poisoning. Perhaps pregnancy hormones boost our sense of smell to protect us from consuming food that has gone off or would be harmful in another way. This certainly seems to make sense given that we did not have fridges for most of our evolutionary history!

Some women experience disabling nausea to the point where they can barely get out of bed and their diet becomes very restricted. If you are finding it hard to cope with morning sickness, acupuncture can be very useful. Unfortunately this has not yet been well proven by medical research. However, one study looked at 88 women with morning sickness who received either acupuncture plus acupressure or medication plus vitamin B12. The women who had acupuncture/acupressure had similar relief to those who took medication. Although it took longer to gain this improvement, the acupuncture group were actually better able to function in everyday life than those who took the drugs.

 

Boost your energy levels

Feeling extremely tired in early pregnancy may be another evolutionary adaptation, as it encourages us to rest during this time. That being said, if you are completely wiped out and unable to get out of bed, then treatment is a good idea.

I find acupuncture very helpful in gently boosting energy levels in early pregnancy. Treatments concentrate on boosting energy production by working on specific meridians (energy pathways) and organs, depending on your symptoms, pulse and tongue pattern. In this way, treatments are tailored to suit your individual circumstances. As well as very gentle needling, we warm key points on the body by applying a herb (moxibustion).

 

Calm your mind

Acupuncture is fantastic for calming the mind and harmonizing the emotions. Many women find themselves feeling anxious at the change in their circumstances and wondering how they will cope with pregnancy, birth or being a mum. Acupuncture treatments, as well as talking it over with a trusted friend, or if necessary, a counsellor, can really help. It can also help you sleep better at a time when hormonal changes may be interfering with your night’s rest.

 

Protecting the pregnancy

One of the things you may be concerned about is miscarriage, which is something no-one wants to experience. Most miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities in the embryo, and cannot be avoided. However, other causes do occur, where something seems to go wrong in the implantation process. So, particularly if you have had more than one miscarriage, acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine may be of benefit. We theorize that these therapies counteract an over-active immune system or aid implantation in another way. This is certainly borne out by studies on animals. There has not been much research done on this in humans, but one study of 250 women who had become pregnant after IVF showed that those who took a Chinese herbal formula as well as a standard medication (progesterone) to support the pregnancy had a significantly lower miscarriage rate (13% miscarried) than those who just took the progesterone (23% miscarried).

Several acupuncture points are also used to reduce the chance of miscarriage. I recommend that women who’ve had previous miscarriages, especially if a chromosomal cause has been ruled out, have acupuncture weekly from conception (preferably before, as part of a pre-conception program) until about 12 weeks. Herbs would also be useful in this situation.

If you do experience bleeding in pregnancy, as alarming as it seems, remember that reasons other than miscarriage are often found, such as bleeding from the implantation site and hormonal changes affecting the cervix. Get checked out medically (see your obstetrician or ask your GP for a referral to your hospital’s Early Pregnancy Unit) and also see your acupuncturist as soon as you can, and hopefully your mind can be put at rest.

 

Moving past the first trimester

Once they get past the first 13 weeks, many women find they start to feel much better, with energy levels picking up and nausea subsiding. This is when the glow starts! See next month’s newsletter for more about how acupuncture can help later in pregnancy.

 

More information?

For more information or to make an appointment to see Toby or Louise, our Acupuncturists, call 9904-1333 or contact us here: Contact.

Naturopath’s Top 7 Tips to Increase Energy and Fatigue.

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7-tipsWhen was the last time you felt really good? And I mean REALLY good!

Remember when as a kid you would have days where you bounced out of bed in the mornings, excited and energised? Do you now struggle to get out of bed, with energy slumps during the day, propping yourself up with caffeine and sugar, and when you get home you only have the energy to watch a little TV and fall into bed?

Can you pinpoint the day that you lost your energy? For many, loss of energy is something that sneaks up on us. The reduction in our energy most often happens so gradually that we don’t notice the change from one day to the next. The sad thing is that we actually get used to feeling low in energy and this becomes our new “normal”.

There is often a biological reason for why we feel so tired. In our cells are very small things called mitochondria. Mitochondria are a little like batteries that produce energy for the whole body. These mitochondria require several specific nutrients in order to produce energy at an efficient rate. If any of these nutrients are not available, or if the mitochondria are damaged, the energy we have available goes down.

So how can you increase your energy?

Ultimately, there is no quick fix that will work in the long term. The solution is to get back to basic good living to take the load off your mitochondria and really improve your energy. When I feel that my energy is low, these are the seven things that I do:

  1. Get adequate, regular and consistent amounts of sleep each night – if you are having trouble sleeping, my best tip is to switch of all technological devices about 90 minutes before bedtime. This includes the tv, computers, smart phones, tablets etc as the blue light emitting from these devices can disrupt the production of your sleep hormone – melatonin.
  2. Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet and drink plenty of water throughout the day. Some people find that reducing the consumption of wheat, dairy and red meat improves overall energy.
  3. Exercise regularly – a gentle walk in the morning sunshine can be helpful for those suffering fatigue and insomnia.
  4. Avoid too many stimulants such as caffeine, foods high in sugar and alcohol.
  5. For some people, just making the above 4 changes is enough to put the bounce back into their step. Many people, however, need more intensive support than this. Certain nutrients can really assist here.
    • CoQ10 – is vital for healthy energy production in our cells and protects our mitochondria from day to day damage. Many of my clients notice a real difference when they take this nutrient regularly.
    • Omega 3, found in fish oils – also protects our mitochondria from damage.
    • N-acetyl carnitine and lipoic acid – shovels nutrients into the mitochondria and stabilises blood sugar levels.
    • B Vitamins – essential for energy production for the mitochondria.
  6. Herbal medicines can also noticeably improve energy levels. These include ginseng – there are a few different types of ginseng available, with slightly different effects. I like Korean ginseng (Panax ginseng) for men and Siberian ginseng (Eleutherococcus senticosis) for women. Rhodiola is also a good herb to try as it supports the adrenals and balances blood sugar.
  7. Taking care of your emotional and mental health can also enormously improve overall energy levels. This can include:
    • Surrounding yourself with positive and uplifting people, and avoid people who you find draining and toxic.
    • Listen to beautiful music – whatever you find that to be.
    • Search for health, fitness and motivational podcasts.
    • Watching positive television shows and movies – avoid violence, gossip and dark dramas.
    • Reading literature with a positive message and avoiding content that overstimulates or depresses.

 

Choosing a Chiropractor

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Choose A ChiropractorChoosing a chiropractor is an important decision. A chiropractor helps to improve your health by looking at your spine and nervous system and their relationship to the rest of the body. Before putting yourself in the hands of a chiropractor there are some things you should consider:

 

Chiropractic Qualifications

All chiropractors in Australia study at university for five years. Check that your chiropractor is government registered and covered by private health insurance. Find out if they belong to a professional body such as the Chiropractors Association of Australia (CAA).

Net Chiropractors

Search the Natural Therapy pages directory to find a chiropractor near you. To find one thatís appropriate think about proximity to work or home. Will it be easy to get to appointments? Does the chiropractor work after hours or at weekends?

Chiropractic Communication

Personal recommendation is an invaluable tool when looking for a chiropractor. Ask friends, family, colleagues and other health practitioners. Find out if the chiropractor has experience treating your particular health issue. If so, what was the outcome?

An Affordable Service

Initial consultations usually cost more than follow-up appoints. Check if you get a rebate from your private health insurer.

Caring Chiropractors

Itís important to choose a chiropractor that you feel comfortable with and who you feel cares about your health. Ask questions about their skills, experience and style. If you donít feel happy after the initial consultation find another chiropractor.

You want a chiropractor who understands your concerns, cares about your health and who makes you feel confident on your journey towards better health.