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What attracts us to our loved ones is what ends up repelling us.
Relationships are funny things. No two are alike and yet, at the same time, all share many similarities as well. One such similarity we all share in are times of frustration with our loved ones.
I often speak with couples having hard times in their relationships or marriages and they often sound quite clear on what their partner is doing that is flaring up their frustrations. At some point I always ask what it was that first attracted them to their partners and what they initially fell in love with and, like clock work, their answers reveal that the things they loved and cherished in each other, as they fell in love, were the same qualities that frustrate them now.
For example, seven years ago John fell in love with Louise; he loved how care free she was and how spontaneous and in the moment she could be. He was much more ordered and practical and was more used to a life well planned out, a life without too many surprises. John was attracted to those qualities in Louise, which he himself would have liked to possess.
Louise, on the other hand, fell in love with John’s solidity. He was grounded, stable and practical, all qualities which she was attracted to which she wasn’t accessing in herself, and qualities which were needed to balance her out.
Now fast-forward seven years. John is frustrated with Louise and needs her to change. In his mind she is inconsistent with her commitments and responsibilities and he is angry that he can’t rely on her to do things when he feels they need to be done in the home. As a result he is feeling unsupported and let down. He wishes that she could be better planned and fly less by the seat of her pants.
Louise, on the other hand, is feeling squashed and forced to live in a way that doesn’t suit her style of being. She wants John to ease up and take more risks in life. She is bored with the blandness of their relationship and wants more excitement with him.
This is typical example of how the qualities that attract couples end up eroding the warmth they have for each other. As a result of this, the qualities which partners fell in love with often become the same qualities they try to change about each other.
In my line of work as a couple’s counsellor, I often find myself saying to one or both partners, “That’s not going to happen”, or “He is not going to give you that”. Couples are often startled to find that I don’t roll up my sleeves and help them change their partners.
When couples find themselves in the situation of trying to change their partners so they feel better about themselves the role of therapy is to interrupt this trance rather than empathise and support with their needs to change the other.
The undeniable truth with relationships is that those we love are also our burdens. Too often we just want to take the parts that work for us right now and leave the rest of them in the bottom drawer.
For many couples, the magic bullet to getting back on track with their marriage and finding more harmony again is to be able to look at their partner and say, “this is who they are, and this is who they will continue to be”. Once this is acknowledged, a different and scarier reality is seen by each of them.
At this point couples often see that they struggle to love each other for who they truly are; eventually this leads to a more useful and practical question to ponder, and that is “How do I learn to live with this person for who they truly are, while living with who I truly am too”?. And the answer to this is, of course, will be different for us all.
How does Acupuncture work?
It might seem bizarre that inserting needles into various points on the body can influence the way our cells work. But a lot of research shows this is the case.
One of the areas most studied is the pain-killing effect of acupuncture. We have known for some time now that acupuncture affects nerve conduction within the spinal cord. The basis of the theory is that acupuncture stimulation ‘closes a gate’ within the spinal cord, preventing pain signals from travelling up the spinal cord and getting to the brain.
Beyond this, we also know that acupuncture has hormonal effects. Researchers initially noted that when people addicted to narcotic drugs (like heroin or morphine) had surgery using acupuncture as anaesthesia, they did not experience the withdrawal syndrome that you’d usually expect when the narcotics were stopped. This is because endorphins, the chemicals released by the brain when you exercise that are responsible for the “feel-good” phenomenon, are also released during acupuncture. This effect can be blocked with an endorphin-blocking drug.
We also know that acupuncture increases blood flow at the site needled, probably through local release of biochemically active substances.
Do meridians really exist?
According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, energy (Qi) flows through the body along pathways or meridians, and acupuncture influences this flow. These meridian lines are depicted in texts that are at least 2000 years old.
Scientists have found that electrical resistance of the skin is much lower at acupuncture points (which are mainly situated along the meridians) than other points. This supports the idea of a flow of electrical energy through the body along meridians, which can be accessed via the skin at the acupuncture points.
But has science found any other evidence that meridians exist?
One study injected radioactive tracer molecules into acupuncture points (on meridians) and random points not on meridians. At the acupuncture points, the tracer travelled in a line consistent with the traditional description of the meridian, whereas it just diffused outwards at the non-meridian point.
When we look down a conventional microscope, meridians have been elusive. But some studies using electron microscopy (giving a much more magnified view in which individual cells can be seen) have shown thread-like structures within lymphatics, within blood vessels, on the surface of organs, and elsewhere. These structures appeared to contain fluid and may be the meridians described in ancient texts.
Although further research into this is required, the preliminary findings are fascinating. Clearly we are only just beginning to understand the science behind what the ancient texts described thousands of years ago.
Acupuncture for Low Back Pain
Acupuncture can be very effective in resolving low back pain. We are now seeing several research studies that confirm this, including some that show Acupuncture to be more effective than the conventional approach described above. Interestingly, studies tend to show that very light needling or needling that does not penetrate the skin (approaches often used in Japanese-style Acupuncture) can be as effective as deeper Chinese-style needling.
Our Acupuncturists are very experienced in treating low back pain and finds this is one of the conditions that responds best to Acupuncture.
What happens in a treatment?
The Acupuncturists approach to low back pain is to use the gentlest needling possible to reduce the pain and get you back to your normal life as quickly as possible. Often the needles are warmed with moxibustion (a warming herb) to really “unknot” the underlying muscle and ligaments. Most people find the treatments extremely relaxing – the feeling is a bit like having a good massage. The points chosen and method of Acupuncture depend on your constitution (the pattern you fall into based on your symptoms and on information gained from carefully palpating the body and on examination of your pulse and tongue). It’s important to work on the underlying cause of the problem as well as the symptoms.
So what works for one person with low back pain may be quite different from what works for another.
How long will it take to work?
Back pain that has recently come on responds more quickly than pain that has been present months or years. There is usually a response within 4-6 treatments, with further treatments consolidating this. Generally, the treatments would be weekly (or sometimes twice-weekly for severe, acute back strain) for the first few, and then we reduce the frequency as the condition improves. Health-fund rebates are available for Acupuncture treatments.
Neck and shoulder pain.
Many of us live with permanently stiff shoulders or a neck that seizes up from time to time. Our modern lifestyle is a major culprit, with computer work (especially on laptops) putting a lot of strain on the neck and shoulders. Out-of-control stress levels don’t help either. One of the worst environments for neck and shoulder pain is a high-pressure work environment with badly set-up computers and cold air flowing down on you from air conditioning. With this sort of combination of stress, poor ergonomics and the tendency to tense up the shoulder muscles in response to cold, it’s not surprising that so many people suffer from stiff neck and shoulders.
Other things that can trigger neck and shoulder pain are prolonged driving, freehand writing or drawing, occupations involving a lot of repetitive use of the arms (hairdressing comes to mind), and playing some musical instruments.
So what can be done? Obviously it’s important to address anything in your lifestyle that might be contributing, which could involve a rethink of your work or leisure patterns. I’ve included a list of other tips at the end.
But what if your shoulders and neck are still sore after doing everything you can to relax them? This is where acupuncture comes in.
Japanese acupuncture uses several needling techniques to melt tension in the neck and shoulders. Another technique that is great for neck and shoulder pain is moxibustion – the use of a warming herb on the tight, painful areas. Cupping is also very useful. But much of the treatment is done away from the local painful region– as it is just as important to treat the constitutional pattern that Oriental medicine sees as causing disruption to the flow of energy, as we see this as underlying the neck and shoulder pain. This ensures that treatments will have a lasting effect.
We usually see an improvement within 4-6 weekly treatments, and when this happens we scale back the frequency of sessions as your body “relearns” this state of reduced tension. Eventually most people will just need the occasional top-up session every few months or so during periods of particularly intense activity or stress.
Tips for relieving neck and shoulder stiffness:
- Make sure your desk is properly set up. Many offices these days have ergonomic guidelines and it’s also possible to have an expert review your set-up.
- Give your neck and shoulders a break by taking lots of breaks from computer work, or other intense activities like writing freehand, drawing, music practice or driving. Aim to have a break where you get up, walk around and stretch after every 20 min of typing etc.
- If at all possible, avoid sitting in air-conditioning, or wear a scarf (or a top with a collar that covers your neck).
- Warmth helps most people with this sort of pain, so try hot showers or heat packs.
- Try to build some type of relaxation into your day, like meditation, yoga or Tai-Chi. Another really useful strategy is to focus on becoming aware of shoulder tension as it builds up and repeatedly and deliberately relax and drop your shoulders. Tricky to do at first, but it gets easier with time.
- It is also often possible to strengthen other muscles in the upper body so that your traps don’t take all the strain. If you go to a gym, ask one of the trainers to show you how to strengthen these muscles.
Low back pain.
If your back has ever seized up, you’ll know it’s one of the most disabling experiences there is. Or perhaps you suffer from a more low-grade, but still annoying and uncomfortable, form of low back pain. You’re far from alone, with somewhere between 70 and 85% of us having suffered an acute back strain at some point. The pain may be brought on by heavy lifting, sudden movements, or prolonged standing or driving, or it may appear “out of the blue”.
Western medicine does not have much to offer sufferers of low back pain, with usual advice being to gradually resume usual activities, while taking painkillers for the discomfort. In the longer term, strengthening exercises and losing excess weight can be useful. Surgery may be recommended for some specific problems affecting the lumbar spine (especially if the nerves that exit the spine are trapped), but tends to be a last resort and is not always successful.
Acupuncture for low back pain
Acupuncture can be very effective in resolving low back pain. We are now seeing several research studies that confirm this, including some that show acupuncture to be more effective than the conventional approach described above. Interestingly, studies tend to show that very light needling or needling that does not penetrate the skin (approaches often used in Japanese-style acupuncture) can be as effective as deeper Chinese-style needling.
What happens in a treatment?
My approach to low back pain is to use the gentlest needling possible to reduce the pain and get you back to your normal life as quickly as possible. I use mainly the Japanese style of acupuncture, which focuses on light needling (of carefully selected points) with deeper techniques when required. Often the needles are warmed with moxibustion (a warming herb) to really “unknot” the underlying muscle and ligaments. Most people find the treatments extremely relaxing – the feeling is a bit like having a good massage. The points chosen and method of acupuncture depend on your constitution (the pattern you fall into based on your symptoms and on information gained from carefully palpating the body, and on examination of your pulse and tongue). It’s important to work on the underlying cause of the problem as well as the symptoms.
So what works for one person with low back pain may be quite different from what works for another.
How long will it take to work?
Back pain that has recently come on responds more quickly than pain that has been present months or years. There is usually a response within 4-6 treatments, with further treatments consolidating this. Generally, the treatments would be weekly (or sometimes twice-weekly for severe, acute back strain) for the first few, and then we reduce the frequency as the condition improves.
Depression
Contemporary research suggest there are several factors linked to depression. If depression runs in the family, then this increases the risk of experiencing depression at some stage of life. Our biological make up can also influence depression; for instance , the can be genetic and neuro chemical influences that increase the likelihood of depression such as a pre disposition for lower levels of serotonin. The way a person thinks, makes meaning of themselves and the world and their self talk can also influence depression. Absolute thinking like “ things will never get better” or “ I always end up in this place” can also increase the likelihood of depression.
Our approach to depression includes CBT where we challenge the thinking and beliefs that may contribute to depression, as well as work with the stuck energy and emotions within the person , which when released, can assist in moving out of depression.
Why you really need to stress less
In clinic, we see patients with many and varied symptoms and conditions, but when it comes to working out the root cause of these conditions, often stress features in a big way.
Stress is now a common fixture in our hectic, busy lives. Small amounts of stress that are easily resolved can be beneficial in motivating and helping us achieve our goals. However, chronic or long-term stress affects each of us differently, and it may affect the whole body in a negative way and contribute to many health complaints.
Signs of stress include:
- Feeling any of the following – anxious, worried, forgetful, irritable, depressed and exhausted.
- Stiff or sore muscles or joints.
- Insomnia.
- Tension headaches.
- High blood pressure.
- Frequent colds and flu.
- Digestive problems including irritable bowel syndrome, ulcers, change in appetite.
- Worsening of an existing illness or condition.
- Skin conditions.
Fight or Flight: Your Response to Stress
Thousands of years ago, we may have been faced with the threat of a sabre tooth tiger and our immediate response to this was one of two reactions: to attack or run away. This is now known as the fight or flight response. Once this stress response is triggered, chemical messengers called adrenaline, cortisol and noradrenaline are produced by the adrenal glands and brain. These messengers increase blood flow to the essential organs such as the heart, lungs, brain and muscles to help us fight or run away. Digestive function slows down as this is less important in survival mode. Cortisol also increases the amount of sugar released into the blood to provide energy for our muscles to attack or run. In the past, stress was shortlived and once the stress was over, these chemical messengers shortly returned to normal.
Where’s the Off Switch?
Over time our bodies have not changed this biological response to stress. Although the sabre tooth tigers are long gone, the physical threat to our lives and limbs has been replaced with the modern day stress of long work hours, financial worries, traffic jams and family issues. So what happens if this stress response does not turn off because of our non-stop busy lifestyles?
Ongoing stress that does not resolve may result in chronic stress, which can be the underlying cause of many health conditions. Chronic stress can impact body systems such as the cardiovascular system by contributing to high blood pressure. It can also take its toll on your nervous system leading to exhaustion, headaches and insomnia. Your digestive and immune systems can also be weakened by stress, making you more susceptible to irritable bowel syndrome, frequent colds and the flu.
Herbs and Nutrients for De-stressing
In clinic, I often use these herbs and nutrients to help our patient’s cope better with stress:
- Rhodiola and withania are herbs which enhance the body’s response to stress. Rhodiola has been shown to reduce both physical and mental fatigue during times of stress.
- The herbs passionflower, zizyphus and magnolia have been traditionally used for reducing stress, anxiety and nervous tension, and also work well in cases of insomnia.
- St John’s wort is well-known for supporting healthy mood and protecting against the effects of stress.
- Magnesium, glutamine and B vitamins are used in abundance during times of stress, when the body’s requirement for these key nutrients is increased. Magnesium assists in muscle relaxation and calms the nervous system.
10 Top Stress Busting Tips:
Lessen your stress load by practising the following stress busting strategies:
- Rest and Relaxation: Relaxation techniques such as tai chi, yoga, and meditation can help you to control stress and improve physical and mental wellbeing. Turn off all technology before 10pm (this includes phones, tv, computers and other devices) for a better night’s sleep.
- Think Positive: A good attitude and positive outlook is fundamental for de-stressing. Thinking positively will help you get through a stressful period with greater enthusiasm and drive.
- Exercise: Exercise is a brilliant form of stress relief, as it conditions the body and mind, and encourages the release of endorphins, which help you feel good. Enjoy restorative, rather than exhaustive exercise, when you are feeling particularly stressed.
- Indulge Yourself: Enjoy a well-deserved massage or some other blissful treatment – perhaps soak in a bath with relaxing aromatherapy oils such as lavender, ylang ylang, chamomile or geranium.
- Eat Healthy Foods: For a healthy mind and body, eat a diet abundant in fresh, brightly coloured fruits and vegetables. Consume protein with meals and snacks, and enjoy foods high in essential fatty acids such as oily fish, nuts and seeds. Minimise your intake of caffeine, energy drinks, sugar, alcohol and processed foods as these will contribute to fatigue in the long-term.
- Have Gratitude: Keep a diary of things in your life you are grateful for. If you find this difficult, focus on the basic things – a roof over your head, peaceful times, a cup of tea, the shade of a tree are all things we can take for granted, but many people don’t have access to.
- Take Breathing Breaks: For 1 or 5 minutes close your eyes and breathe deeply and slowly. Perhaps listen to a piece of music which you find soothing or go for a short walk.
- Reconnect with Friends and Family: choose positive, uplifting people in your life, and spend more time with them.
- Be Mindful: Do everything with focus and intention – cook your food mindfully, eat mindfully, work mindfully and be in the moment as much as possible. Set a reminder in your diary or on your phone to be mindful (and perhaps have a breathing break as well).
- Change Your Daily Routine: Have a long relaxing breakfast, try driving to work a different way, learn a new skill, watch a different television program. And play.
Be joyful and lighthearted where possible. Smile.
If you feel that stress is a problem for you, and you don’t know where to begin, make an appointment to see our Naturopath, or indeed any of our practitioners for tailored advice on how to manage stress.
Choosing a Chiropractor
Choosing a chiropractor is an important decision. A chiropractor helps to improve your health by looking at your spine and nervous system and their relationship to the rest of the body. Before putting yourself in the hands of a chiropractor there are some things you should consider:
Chiropractic Qualifications
All chiropractors in Australia study at university for five years. Check that your chiropractor is government registered and covered by private health insurance. Find out if they belong to a professional body such as the Chiropractors Association of Australia (CAA).
Net Chiropractors
Search the Natural Therapy pages directory to find a chiropractor near you. To find one thatís appropriate think about proximity to work or home. Will it be easy to get to appointments? Does the chiropractor work after hours or at weekends?
Chiropractic Communication
Personal recommendation is an invaluable tool when looking for a chiropractor. Ask friends, family, colleagues and other health practitioners. Find out if the chiropractor has experience treating your particular health issue. If so, what was the outcome?
An Affordable Service
Initial consultations usually cost more than follow-up appoints. Check if you get a rebate from your private health insurer.
Caring Chiropractors
Itís important to choose a chiropractor that you feel comfortable with and who you feel cares about your health. Ask questions about their skills, experience and style. If you donít feel happy after the initial consultation find another chiropractor.
You want a chiropractor who understands your concerns, cares about your health and who makes you feel confident on your journey towards better health.
Silent Inflammation
Imagine that you have slammed your finger in a door. The pain will be rapidly followed by reddening, swelling and heating up of the affected area. This kind of inflammation, whilst infuriating, is actually a good thing. Your immune system is responding to the trauma by sending white blood cells and other hormone-like substances to your finger to heal it.
But there’s another kind of inflammation, one that could be present throughout your cells and tissues, and it’s not so good. It would seem that more and more research is supporting the idea that this “silent inflammation” may be the cause of many degenerative diseases – especially obesity, heart disease and diabetes, as well as arthritis, dementia and even some cancers. Wrinkles and skin complaints can also blame this low-level of inflammation as a factor.
Inflammation is a normal and healthy part of the body’s healing system. It is the immune system attempting to nourish and defend the area under attack. It may happen on the surface of our body, and also internally such as at sites of infection or as an allergic response. The problem starts when inflammation refuses to go away. Inflammation is a powerful and sometimes destructive response, and it needs to end when its work is done.
The process of inflammation is caused by prostaglandins (a type of hormone) which work to either strengthen or diminish inflammation. When these hormones get out of balance, the inflammation process may start to malfunction. This imbalance can be caused by poor diet and stress.
Is your diet pro-inflammatory?
Our bodies manufacture prostaglandins from fatty acids in foods. Foods containing omega-6 fatty acids (such as those found in vegetable oils) encourage the production of pro-inflammatory prostaglandins. On the other hand, our body requires omega-3 fatty acids – found in oily fish, flaxseeds and leafy vegetables – to produce anti-inflammatory prostaglandins. Most of us are eating pro-inflammatory diets as we consume more omega-6 than omega-3 fatty acids.
Other foods that can contribute to inflammation include refined, carbohydrates such as white bread and white flour products, packaged breakfast cereals, white potatoes and white rice. A study at Harvard Medical School found that women who ate large quantities of these foods had high levels of CRP, a protein which is released during the inflammation process.
Furthermore, eating sugary foods and refined carbohydrates causes your blood sugar levels to soar and your body releases insulin which increases stored body fat and triggers the release of pro-inflammatory chemicals.
The stress factor.
No doubt you’ve already heard of the many conditions that stress can cause or exacerbate, and here is another reason to avoid stress. It plays havoc with our hormone balance by releasing adrenalin and cortisol, hormones which have a, you guessed it, inflammatory effect. These hormones are part of the fight-or-flight response – preparing our bodies to either fight off a primeval attack or run fast from it. Everyday stress also produces the overproduction of these hormones, leading to abnormal inflammation.
Calming down inflammation.
So, to counter inflammatory conditions such as arthritis and skin complaints, and to correct low-level silent inflammation, it all comes down to making positive dietary and lifestyle changes. By making these changes, you will notice you have more energy and better moods, and your digestion and skin will improve within a few months. You may have fewer aches and pains, will sleep better, and maybe even lose weight.
To read more about how the relationship between diet and inflammation, you may want to read Fats That Heal, Fats That Kill by Udo Erasmus, 8 Weeks to Optimum Health by Andrew Weil and The Optimum Nutrition Bible by Patrick Holford.
Anti-inflammatory foods to include:
- Oily fish, such as salmon, sardines and mackerel
- Ground flaxseed and its oil
- Berries
- Dark green leafy vegetables
- Extra virgin olive oil
- Garlic, onions, turmeric and ginger
- Raw nuts and seeds
- Green tea
Foods to limit:
- Sugar, sugary foods and drinks
- Refined grains (white bread, white pasta and white rice)
- Processed foods
- Trans fats
- Animal products especially red meat and dairy
- Potatoes
- Corn, safflower and peanut cooking oils
Supplements
Some nutrients and herbs can provide additional support to calm inflammation. Fish oils, antioxidant formulas, vitamin B, zinc and magnesium can all help. Even certain strains of probiotics are powerful anti-inflammatories.
It is best to see a naturopath, herbalist or nutritionist to find out the most suitable herb and nutrient for your health needs, and to make sure that you receive a potent, practitioner-quality supplement.
Reducing Stress
- Set boundaries with work, family and relationships
- Exercise – any way you can and any way you like
- Try yoga, Tai Chi or meditation practices
- Spend time in nature
- Turn of all technology (including computers, smart phones and even the television) by 9.30pm every night
- Reduce intake of caffeinated beverages
Some herbs and nutrients can also be very effective in help the body balance the hormone response and cope better with stress. Again, it is important to consult a healthcare practitioner who is trained in the use of herbs and nutrients (such as a naturopath) to receive the right combination for you.